Why am I still single? Well even though my mother hints and my cousin and bff always bring this up asking when am I going to find a girl and get married etc… I still choose to stay single. I’m perfectly fine being alone. Sure there is loneliness that comes with it but being alone I’ve had time to figure out what I want in life, what I want to do with myself, and what realistic goals to set and achieve.
It’s pretty complicated. If I were to actually set forth and go find a companion instead of subconsciously looking, human nature you’re always looking for someone. I wouldn’t be looking just for myself. I’d be looking for a possible daughter-in-law for my mother, a sister for my cousin that also can be friends with my BFF Grace. That is three female personalities that my potential girl would have to get along with. My mother will always be apart of my life. So would my cousin because I pretty much raised her through HS and she sorta still is my spoiled brat child that no one else in the family wants to discipline. As for BFF… She’s pretty much part of the fambam forever unless she decided to leave, lol.
Is it wrong that I feel fine being alone? I’m not gonna lie I’ve been out of the dating game for a long while. I didn’t feel that I loved myself enough to love someone else. I’ve dated and had flings with several girls over the years and sure it was a great, living and learning experiences but of course nothing came out of but myself and knowledge and wisdom, lol. I know what I’m looking for. I just have yet to come across someone that has crossed off 90% of my subconscious list of prerequisites.
I’ve been using my “Me” time… I’d say my time spent with my family has occupied me enough to conquer the loneliness that comes with being alone. I seriously 6-7 days a week restaurant and boutique. But really I just hang out with my mom almost everyday. I’m like her personal assistant, lmfao. I’m here because it’s the right thing to do. My mother came here to the states as a refugee with pretty much no money. Worked at McDonalds and walked several miles to get there. But now she owns two thriving businesses and of course she would like me to stay around and help her out. I mean sure I could be elsewhere making more money doing things that would have gotten me in trouble or whatever…
I just choose to be here with my family… It was like one day my mom called me up and said hey you have family from Laos that came you should move over here. But me being young twenties and dumb… I was like meh… Living life like a rockstar going out every night… VIP bottle service and what not. It was wild. But it was a life rollercoaster and when that turning point day arrived I called my mom and said hey I’m moving over there. Packed my things and left my life in Kansas City. I finally hopped on a plane and saw them the first time coming down the escalator at CLT. I was like damn that must be them FOB looking as Asians. At this point I haven’t seen my mother for over 4 years, and finally meeting my blood family from Laos.
Fast forward to present. I’m the next head of family. The house that my mom and I chose has acreage and lots of room. There’s potential for future family from Laos to come. It’s not about me anymore it’s about the family. The sacrifices my mom made has come along way and I’m making my own sacrifices to continue to help be apart of the family. Sometimes my mom cries after we have arguments over the sacrifices we both endure to keep the family afloat. Sure we could just split go our own ways but then the family is on their own… She’s secured her future to where I can take care of her when she is old and grumpy and nags about everything. Me being around has shown her I am capable and honest to be the next head of family. Even though my brother is older, I’m the next head of family. I know he wouldn’t be comfortable being in charge of such a large family.
Final words… If I were to find a girl near or far. I’d hope she has strong family relations so she knows how I put my family first. If she had strong family ties we could always come to a mutual understanding on things. Afterall that’s what a relationship is right? Mutual agreements upon things of being one. To be one…
Categories: Dear Journal