itzdarave

As of right now.. I owe Corporate america $10,310.22 thats not including the sprint balance that is to my name.. Thanks Sack.. =(

I’m Guessing the sprint balance to my name is about $400 something.. Im waiting till march to cancel and pay.. to release my number.. So i can port it to my current provider..

 Just like many fellow americans Im in Debt..  at least I paid off $2gz of it within the past year..  The way I see it..  if I had a job that actually paid me.. I wouldnt be in Debt $10gz is nothing.. a part time job can make that in a year.. Ever since moving out to kansas i dont buy much.. i dont buy alot of food, i dont buy a lot of clothes, i dont leave town that often, i dont go out on the weekends.. So id say i my self spend about $100 or less a week.. that comes out to about $4,800 a year..  I dont pay rent to live and I make less than minimum wage haha.. so.. Right now Im heading no where.. The shop as but me no where.. Being out here for 3  years I have nothing to show for it.. All I have is my pride, my knowledge.. my thoughts..  From my experiences and skills in the work field.. I’m worth about $12-14 a hour.. depending on what I do.. The places Ive applied for and got interviewed me.. they say Im worth about that.. Thats non-automotive positions..  So if i actually study and take my ASE tests and pass them and go for an automotive based career i could get paid $16-22 a hour easily in corporate america with out even going to school..  But do I want to be a mechanic? Do i have what it takes to work in an automotive facility that have high standards?  Im sure i could do it.. But I dont know if thats what I’m Looking for.. I know whats out there, what market i want to be in, what i want to do, what i want to sell, theres alot of money to be made, but i cant do it right now… you gotta spend money to make money.. fuck i manage this six figure incorporated company but i have nothing to show for it.. thats fucked up dont you think?  but its all good.. who knows what will happen in the next 3 months.. If i actually make moves and get shit done.. maybe it wont be sooo badd.. haaa..

So if you read this…

Leave me a comment bitch..

To the people that know me, sort of know me, dont know me…

I’m silent because I’m and observer. I’m shy but I’m really not. Life is serious yet its not.. I live life everyday like it was my last day living.. Not saying ima go out and party hard everyday.. I live life accordingly to how the world turns.. I cant control when Im going to die so why should i go out and live life to “the fullest” everyday?  For all i know i could die any second.. but then again I hope to live to see the next 30 seconds.. I live life accordingly.. party when i want to, drink when i want to, sleep when i want to.. get it? Life is simple.. live accordingly.. hahaaa. Living and learning.. thats what I do.. when some one needs a friend im here.. any one.. i dont bite.. you need an opinion ill tell ya.. you want the truth ill tell ya.. you may not hear what you want to hear.. but the truth comes out of my mouth alot.. I tell it straight..  Its hard to explain who i am thru words.. its hard to explain what im about.. its hard to explain what I’ve been thru… But in my mind.. its all good.. Scratch that..

This is what I know: you have friends, family, and your self

But its up to you who is a real friend and who is real family and who you are..

a friend is some one you can talk to about random shit any time.. or do anything random at any given time..

family is your homies, your loves, your pets, your blood..

who you are.. is what you show the world.. how you present your self to the world, how you carry your self..

who your friends and family are to you? Foreal forreal? They are no body..

Why do I say that?

You yourself is the controller of your self.. your being your thoughts your reactions.. its all about you..

As for me.. i know who my friends are.. i know who my fam is.. and i know what im about..

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To sum that up.. Im not scared to die. Im down for what ever. Forreal forreal you dont know me.. Cause i know what im about..

Lol.. reading that.. if i was some random mutha fucka coming on here and read.. “To sum that up.. Im not……….”

Id be like damn that niggah is crazy.. but then i would think.. something else.. I would think that person is a serious person.. reading that shit.. lol.. but foreal though.. you see me in person? do i seriously act serious? haaaa…

See thats whats funny about whatever this is “personalities” “people” “human beings” or what ever..

You never know anything about a person.. You can only assume.. You can only hope..

I my self.. I care less about anyone.. why? because i am my self.. the controller of my mind and body..

you should feel the same way too.. you have issues too that you dont tell people about you know what you are about.

Like i said its all about you.. no one else..

 damn this entire post makes me seem weird as fuck..  but seriously do i care? let the world know…

so to whom ever read this.. if you really needed me.. for any reason.. ask me.. and if i seriously think its worth my time and effort.. i can do something.. cause im down for whatever..

Cause im living.. Im learning.. this is what life is about right?

Friends? Lover? Love? Home boy? Home girl?

Those are lines…

Everyone starts as a friend..

your homeboy and homegirl gits there eventually.. after being your nikkkaaaa for a while huh? lol

before they become a lover there has to be a connection between you two..

Love is a whole story on its own.. 

The funny things everything is based off trust.. and hope.. and a connection..

I takes a second to make a friend.. It takes a few conversations to make a homie.. It can take a few drinks and a conversation to get laid.. and It only takes a few hours to fall in love..

Think about it.. Trust, hope, connection.. friendship, lover, love, homie… In the end its all love..

The mind needs friends and lovers.. the heart needs love.. you got homie love. and love from love.. hahaa.. 

After you crossed lines from sharing the love you cant go back.. It hurts when if someone still has feelings.. Feelings just dont disappear on their own.. It takes at least 6 months to a year..

Sure u can cross the lines with having lovers and going back to friends.. then you would have friends with benifits..

But can you really do that with a homie? going back to just friends?

Can you really do that after sharing the love with anyone?

Your homie is love.. you cant just be friends..

If you mixing it all together can you take a step back?

Just keep on going.. theirs more love, lovers, friends, and homies out there..

Its all about you.. No one else..

Your loves can be at your side but they cant take you down..

So next time you meet some one.. think friend, homie, love, lover…

Speak the truth and you’ll have the greatest friends, love, homies, or lovers..

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To the people that actually read this.. It makes sense doesnt it? Forreal.. I dont think up Bullshit..

Think about it.. it makes sense.. lol..

All the millions i shake hands with.. look at.. hand gestures (middle finger, wave, peace, thumbs up)

everyone on this mutthaaa efffaahh is a friend or has a friend..

Lately, I’ve been laying low.. Out of everybodys radar… Stans, jimmys, tommys, bruce, noi, bighead any one and everyone.. No body has talked to or has seen me in years maybe once or twice mayb 4 times.. thats it.. for a couple of hours.. I dont call no one.. No one calls me.. Simple as that.. Im the only mutha fucka i know out of everyone that has their own mutha fucking website with a blog open to the public to see what the hell is on my mind.. or what ever..

To make it simple.. i put this blog here for yall.. not for me.. I have my own hidden journal online.. that you cant see.. stan and jimmy know about it.. noi and tommy too but i dunno if yalls remember.. but any ways.. this blog is here for yalls..

Since im never around no more.. I cant be there for any of my boys to talk when they need some one.. I cant be there for any one no one at all.. This is here for when you feeling down, when you feeling bored.. when you feeling alone when you dont know what to do.. this is here.. 24/7 errrdayyy.. read it.. listen to it.. comment on it.. what ever you do.. your are reaching out to me.. and me having this here… is reaching out to you.. ya digg??

Anyhow.. this is my opinion on waiting.. Never wait.  Life is to short.  Although you’d love to wait and you feel like you should wait. Dont.  for a hour or so is koo at the store waiting for some one.. but other than that.. NEVER ever wait.. plain and simple.. in the end it works out for the best.. Oh yeah one more thing.. always tell the truth.. you dont have to lie to kick it.. the truth hurts more and hurts less in situations.. But in the long run.. its for the best.. thats how the mind works.. Im forreals.. Been there done that.. 

I wish life was simple as possible so i could relax and not stress or be depressed at times.. Alot of things on my mind.. Alot of things i want to do with my life.. But its up to me.. All the choices I makes up what happens to me.. Good or bad.. Its living and learning..

Oh yeah one more thing.. Im a crazy as mutha sucka.. aite?  Come see me on a bad day.. hahaaaa.. Naw but forreal im straight chill down to earth and im koo…

But if any mutha EFfffaaaahh catches me on a bad day.. and is in my face  trust me im not scared to die..

“theres a bridge… either you walk across the bridge to meet the person… or u meet in the middle… or you stay on your side… it takes two to meet in the middle. the bridge will aways be there… thats how all relationships (lovers and friends… etc…)”

 Let me analyze this for the people that dont quite understand.. maybe explain it to my self again…

Theres an imaginary bridge..  you walk across the bridge to meet the person..  Meaning you go out of the norm to reach out to this person.  You meet in the middle meaning both parties go out of the norm to reach out to each other..  Or you stay on your side.. staying on your side meaning you dont go out of the norm to reach out to this person..

The bridge is always there and never is destroyed.. unless some one physically doesnt exist any more.. And then there still is a bridge.. in a sense..

Lately.. to everyone and any one.. It has either been meeting in the middle or staying on my side..

To tell you the truth journal blog.. The world hates me.. and I just keep singing the song with the lyrics “It’s the end of the world as we know it, and i feel fine… ”

The past 3 years have been the craziest years of my life.. And it mainly was a reall big experience for me… Mostly pain and hurt.. from family, friends, lovers.. But hey.. its life.. living and learning..

People dont really know me.. No one at all deep down inside really knows me.. Not even stan not even jimmy.. no one.. just bits and pieces thats all..  if some one put all the pieces together they could right a biography about me and call it living life as a 1st gen asian american in the midwest.. lol you could make millions..

Im seriously one of the craziest most intellegent beings i know.. each time you meet a person you get smarter.. ive meet millions and millions of people.. and fuck.. theres alot of different peoples faces, races, personalities out there.. its fucking nuts..

but any ways.. ill have a nother blog about something else later.. I need to stop thinking.. I might go home get dressed and go sit at the bar and have a drink..

By-the-way.. I like to sip on my drinks.. I dont drink to get drunk and party hard.. (thats why theres drugs.. you dont want to see me having real fun if your not on what im on.. lol =P )  I sip on my drinks because it shows class.. try it some time.. I try to tell people..