Last weekend I went to Illinois to pick up a hatch.. Julie said she saw my moms at the viet store.. So i called my mom twice and she didnt pick up. My moms didnt get to see me. She didnt tell me she was going to Illy.. She usually does.. or has she been going with out saying? But anyways.. thats kinda fuxed up i guess.. she goes to see my brother but only came out here once in 4 years to see me.. She always tells me to meet her there.. Well.. I cant make it all the time if im doing things or i dont have funds to travel that far.. She knows what position im in and she doesnt really have a solution to help. Just move back to illinois.. at first was move to North Carolina.. Now its to illinois after i decieded i didnt want to move back any more.. I was trying to get her to allow me to stay at the condo when i moved back.. But she let my brother move in Again… so i decided not to move back.. Unspoken words and agreements in this non existing family sucks. Blood is thicker than water.. and i only have one brother and one mother and one father.. Some people dont see things how i see it. The world is fucked up in many ways.. I just try to make the best of it. Im just trying to find the place where i belong. Where i fit in. Friends arent really friends some times and people that never thought of me as a friend want me to be a friend. Kinda strange i guess.. Who can i really trust, rely on when i need something…? not my mother or father… not my brother.. who? blood is thicker than water… Sure i am growing up. But ive always been at this growing up thing for the longest time by my self.. no family support what so ever. broken family. no relatives that i can rely on either. wtf!?! sure there are people in worse positions than me, but shit.. im just stating what the fuck i want to say.. I just want to be happy and be where i belong or fit in. Is that so hard to ask? Life is a funny thing. . . Sure i have friends that would help me out, but would they really do it? help me out no questions asked. I dont think so. If they asked me its done. Comes back to the point where people dont see shit the way i see it. sucks.. i dont know what to say.
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