aka iamdengman

Positive Mindset

Have I ever mentioned I was way happier at this point in life?  After all the BS I went through feeling alone… and what not… My biggest low was back in Kansas.  Rock bottom. Didn’t give a fuck.   What friends I had didn’t want to come around. Thats how bad it was.  Ask Grace if you don’t believe me. Never again will I live 6 months and do nothing with my life.  I literally didn’t leave the house for 6 months. I hated the world. LOL  It has taken me year and years to find happy. Happy with myself. Content.

I thought I couldn’t be any happier but apparently these past few months things have been changing. I don’t know what it is but life is great. I’m happiest as can be.  Just surrounding myself with positivity night and day.   I been blocking out as much negativity as I can. I honestly don’t care about the negative things that cross my path.  I just know I’m going down this path that I paved through the years.   It’s strange I was reminiscing about my job at Scanics.  I loved that job. It was easy, I did geeky ass shit that no one cared about.  LMFAO.   It was important work that went unnoticed. I mean fuck I was in charge of scanning documents from the 1800s for several counties. Found a document that appeared to be signed by Abraham Lincoln before he was president… The county didn’t confirm or deny if it was his sig or not but it was one of the coolest finds.  But with such responsibility came alot of stress.  Which ended that career.   I wasn’t being paid enough for the stress.  I told Don I had to go help out the family businesses and didn’t know when I’d return.  He told me my job was still there if I ever wanted to return.   =)    

That was three years ago. Actually.. Almost 4!  Wow..  Time files.  I’ve been helping my mom with her dream dress shop, helping out with the family restaurant that I didn’t want nothing to do with..  I think they are indeed comfortable enough for me not to be around anymore.  I’ve been warning them for the past year about finding a house and me doing my own thing.  The house was bought. My business is established on paper.  I just need to do what I do best using my, as Mike said “natural talents” not skills, natural talents.  It honestly was refreshing to get to talk to mike via messenger last night.  Months ago I noticed him posting vids of him in Thailand being super positive.   I just happened to run into him on a fb group and he messaged me.  He’s doing well.  Catching up and he said he noticed the change from the selection of words I was using talking to him.  He caught my positive vibes.  Thats awesome.  Being positive brings positivity and we just happened to connect.  I told him about what I have planned and what I want to do and what not.  He mentioned that I should do things with purpose.   Which is funny because that’s what I’ve been doing!  All these years I’ve been doing things with purpose I’ve paved the way not just for me but my entire family.  I’m the next head of family.  I chose this house with 5 acres for a reason. I’ve been single for many years looking for myself. My happiness in self.  I’m finally content.  I’ve found purpose. 

These past few days I’ve decided I want to carry on with my goals of traveling.  I love to travel so I might as well fucking do it.   Money isn’t everything but to do shit requires money.  I’ve calculated my personal overhead and how much I need to make while traveling or whatever to keep traveling.  I could probably pull off traveling for a while if I do things correctly.  The new house is home base. Forever will be. 5 acres!  The family condo was sold couple weeks ago. Took a $60,000 hit.  It sucks but it happens.  I’ve told my mom to sell it many many times and she kept wanting to hold on to it.  Just my positivity and goals I mention to her… She felt comfortable with going ahead and selling it.  

The steps, the years, the time it took to get to this point have been my living and learning experience.  I lived the party lifestyle, spending money like it was nothing.  That didn’t get me no where, just depressed.  The more money I had the more I spent it on stupid stuff that had no meaning or purpose.  Even at my document imaging job.. Sure I made lots of money. But it wasnt worth the stress. To spend it on things to make me temporarily happy? It didn’t make sense.  The money at first was great.. Told my mom she couldn’t afford me to move over there…. As you can see I took a tremendous pay cut but I’m fucking happy as fuck. LOL. 

Content. Yes indeed.  

This shit right here…. Is my bed.  I wake up every morning thrilled to make my bed. All nine pillows. Yes.. NINE… LMFAO.. I only sleep with two and two fly off some times and three in front I move before sleeping anyways.  (the last two are up against the headboard so Its not really used)

Categories: Dear Journal

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