aka iamdengman
“Wow, little cousin……I hope you feel better after that. 🙂 I can see you like to
write. Keep on writing. You are very good. You said you are keeping a journal
right? Besides your Blog that is. I can feel your emotions in your writing. I
truly appreciate the sincerity and honesty in your writing! ”
Yeah, I like to write.. =) My cousin said it all right there..
All my life. There has been lies told to me. Nothing new to me. Lies. Should I expect the lies? or should I be supprised? What would the world be with out lies? Sad that honesty works better than lies. The truth hurts yet it doesn’t in the end. ‘Cause after all we are here to live and learn. There isn’t nothing to lie about so why lie? Ain’t gots to lie to kick it. lol
Been gone from the place I knew all my life for 4 years now? I dont remember lost count… dont care anymore… I rarely visit the place any more.. Its sad when I go back… It always has been. I did some pruning on my facebook and myspace… Go figure.. Just to see what happens.. When all contact is lost from a place I used to call home… Next step is cell phone and Aim.. Feel a bit better already.. I know I have alot of things I need to do this year.. And hopefully dissappear.. If not I’ll be fine where I’m at now.. theres alot of potential, but idk if this is what i want. I dont know what i want. Im just going with it… The experience of life…
Well, i just uploaded a picture of my niece and nephew on myspace.. and as i was looking at the pictures again.. it just hit me.. and i just became sad.. Just the split second of how my nephew when he used to just crawl.. he would follow me around the house right when i got home off of a long day at work.. he would sit there and watch me on the computer and sometimes he would sit there with me in my lap as i typed.. =(
Here i am still typing.. no nephew here to watch.. hes grown up.. wish i could be there for him and take care of him at times…
Last weekend I went to Illinois to pick up a hatch.. Julie said she saw my moms at the viet store.. So i called my mom twice and she didnt pick up. My moms didnt get to see me. She didnt tell me she was going to Illy.. She usually does.. or has she been going with out saying? But anyways.. thats kinda fuxed up i guess.. she goes to see my brother but only came out here once in 4 years to see me.. She always tells me to meet her there.. Well.. I cant make it all the time if im doing things or i dont have funds to travel that far.. She knows what position im in and she doesnt really have a solution to help. Just move back to illinois.. at first was move to North Carolina.. Now its to illinois after i decieded i didnt want to move back any more.. I was trying to get her to allow me to stay at the condo when i moved back.. But she let my brother move in Again… so i decided not to move back.. Unspoken words and agreements in this non existing family sucks. Blood is thicker than water.. and i only have one brother and one mother and one father.. Some people dont see things how i see it. The world is fucked up in many ways.. I just try to make the best of it. Im just trying to find the place where i belong. Where i fit in. Friends arent really friends some times and people that never thought of me as a friend want me to be a friend. Kinda strange i guess.. Who can i really trust, rely on when i need something…? not my mother or father… not my brother.. who? blood is thicker than water… Sure i am growing up. But ive always been at this growing up thing for the longest time by my self.. no family support what so ever. broken family. no relatives that i can rely on either. wtf!?! sure there are people in worse positions than me, but shit.. im just stating what the fuck i want to say.. I just want to be happy and be where i belong or fit in. Is that so hard to ask? Life is a funny thing. . . Sure i have friends that would help me out, but would they really do it? help me out no questions asked. I dont think so. If they asked me its done. Comes back to the point where people dont see shit the way i see it. sucks.. i dont know what to say.
Leave me a comment.
“Always follow what your gut feeling is telling you!!! 🙂
You can’t go wrong with coming out here….it’s a big city and the fastest growing one in the country, so there is plenty to do.
It is beautiful here…so your always happy to wake up and get your day going. We would love to have you back in our lives all the time…we miss you a lot!!! But….do what your heart and gut is telling you to do. I am sure I am not the first one to tell you this….but the people you hang out with now are crap and you have so much more potential to offer yourself and your life to be wasting it on people who are slowing you down.
Let us know if we can help.”
From myspace bulletin: Aug 24, 2008 5:09 AM
Thing