Well, I haven’t thought of a new years resolution which I tend to never do.. I’ve spent a few NYE alone by myself home alone laying in bed trying to sleep. NYE tends to be just an excuse to party and people making a reason to make a change. It doesn’t take a new year to make a change. Which is why I started going back to the gym before NYE.. Took a 3 month break from it. Life has changed slightly but the slightest changes are always for the better. Shit happens for a reason. Sticking to my original plan I’ve been planning most of last year. Cut my hours at work to have time for Getfitted and be less stressed over something that is not my problem. Started going back to the gym. Seems things will go accordingly as planned. Taking charge of my life again. I’m my own boss. My own self. Since I was cutting my hours at work. And I might have some free time or need a break from Getfitted. I was wanting to volunteer in something positive for the community or children. I used to volunteer at the library when I was a kid. In the children department. Just wanting positive things in my life. Getting old. They say the happier you are the longer you’ll live.
I’d love to die happy.
Category Archives: Dear Journal
“I have a special spot for you in my heart. Just like all the people I care for and would do anything for no questions asked. (to an extent) Not everyone has a spot.
I may not say or show ones they have a spot. But the ones that have a spot are very lucky. I just dont know what to say or show. So many people come and go out of my life. Not to many people I can say would do anything for me no questions asked.
Its like the whole who would you take a bullet for.”
…they really aren’t. For the past few months shit fell south for me, but honestly it really hasn’t. Things just haven’t went as planned. That’s alright. Things happen for a reason. Timing was off… Next time around things will work right? Fixing the LS400 is planned for winter since I won’t be driving it. Even though the TL will be gone after Christmas when the fam comes to visit, I plan on treking on my mountain bike. Dress for the occasion. Put my winter survival gear to use… haha. Saves some gas money right? If things go well this winter… Spring and Summer will be the best ever. Just gotta have faith.
I’m sad. I’ve been stressing about which direction to about my life. The end is near to where I should make a decision.
I’ve entered back in to my blood line family’s life about 3 years ago. I was in Kansas City and things weren’t going so well so I did what I do best pack my things and go.
I’ve learned no matter where you go for what ever reason your real friends and family will accept you for whom you are. Your friends will catch up with you. Things will pick up like years haven’t passed. Of course there is a slight change but the foundation of what built those relations are still there.
Today is Thanksgiving. It’s just my cousin Meme and I. Going to my brothers house for a little then probably visit Jimmy’s fam. Although Meme doesn’t feel comfortable around them as much, I am going to try to make her go. I want to spend time with my family. I haven’t in several years. Jimmy and I are brothers. We’ve had our ups and downs. Thats what brothers do right? I’m sure his mom would love to see her three sons all at one time. LOL.
Last night was the 6th annual bar crawl the group does.. First time I was in town to experience it. It was fun. Didn’t plan on drinking but it happens.. At the end of the night we planned on going out to eat but some white guy pulled the race card in the parking lot. Although I feel great about looking up at this big tall white guy screaming at the top of lungs in his face and he backed down. Not proud of it. That the side of me I don’t like. Guess I needed to vent some. Glad no one got arrested. He did admit it was his fault when the police showed up.
Like I said earlier… I am sad. Torn between my decisions I need to make in the next month. I’m trying to compromise with my self and my family. Meme is going back to NC after December. I need to decide either move to NC, move away from my family or what I’d prefer travel back and forth to NC so I can travel the country and world as well.
If I move to NC I’m stuck in the middle of no where. I can’t drive 2-3 hrs any direction and see a different atmosphere and city like I could here in Illinois.
If I move away from my family. I am thinking San Francisco, Denver, Phoenix, maybe Seattle. I’ve never been west of Kansas. The only down fall of moving away, I leave my brother, my niece, my nephew, my cousins.. my family behind. Knowing how I am I dont put out the extra effort if they dont to try and contact me. I know the bridge goes both ways. =/ The hopes of this company I’ve been trying for the family would vanish as well.
I’d prefer the traveling around. I’ve worked hard since I was 16 trying to support my habit of cars and toys and geeky things. It kept me out of trouble. I’m street smart. I’m sort of book smart. I just haven’t applied my self in highschool, even college. I am a college drop out. I couldn’t afford to pay for it. No financial aide.. Just because my parents made too much money and I lived with in 30miles from them. They try to blame me for not wanting to go. As I told Meme couple weeks ago. I couldnt afford to go. My parents were being punks argued over who was going to pay for what. They got a divorce and got rid of me thats how I ended up in Kansas in the first place. Thinking I wanted to work at a family business car shop.
I dont regret much of anything really. Shit happens for a reason. Well Kansas I’ve learned alot. I want to apply my knowledge, skills and quick learning to a business for the family. That is what I’ve been trying to do for over 2 years now. I have big hopes and dreams for the family they just don’t realize it. Just because I didn’t go to college and work for a big firm doesn’t mean I can’t be successful at what I want to do.
After walking back into my family’s life I don’t want to leave them. Just having that comfort of some one being there to laugh with or at is what counts. After what felt like being alone for several years… I can’t do it any more… I’m getting old one of these days I’d like to find a wife and have kids. I’m hoping this one gal will be still available when the time is right. I’m single. I have been for several years. Living and learning. I want to get this business off the ground and be financially stable before I go out looking for this luckiest lady in the world.
Well, there you have it. A little taste of whats on my mind.
Thankful for life.
Well, I feel I should write something so I have a book mark for my life so I can revisit what I am about to write about with visual memories.
Today, I woke up at 3:30AM CST. And drove back to Chambana. It started back months ago I planned on making this trip. I’ve invited numerous people to go. The only person to agree upon going was Tommy T. Of course when it comes to road tripping that is spur of the moment for them I can’t take every ones agreement on going serious until the week of. I posted on FB the week off asking if anyone wanted to go, since I had an open seat.
On July 29th Tommy convinced his cousin Ana to go. We planned on going to NC to get my cousin Meme, go to Washington DC then to Philadelphia. Ana’s father lives in Philly and I’ve always wanted to goto DC as a young adult. Mid-week plans changed and Ana did not want to goto Philadelphia anymore.
We decided to goto Charleston, SC for some good ol’ seafood and cajun food. Of course hit the beach. That didn’t happen. Weather wasn’t in our favor on the Wednesday and Thursday (8th,9th) we planned on. So on those days we did some Western NC tourist activities.
Pearsons Falls, Chimney rock, Lake Lure.
Friday, today was the planned day to goto Charleston. The trip was cut short due to terrible news Thursday evening.
I received a phone call at the restaurant which I thought was weird. It was Noi and he told me to call Ana and Tommy some type of emergency. Tommy says his uncle passed away from a heart attack. My heart dropped. Phone was silent for several seconds and Tommy continued with saying hello twice. I didn’t know what to say . I was shocked. Not even 13 days ago I was at his uncle youths house. It was his daughters birthday. I still can’t believe he passed away. A man that was full of life July 28th when I saw him. A grand father, father, uncle, brother. A man who made his family smile. He was a great host as he openly welcomed me in his home. I didn’t know him personally, but I knew his son and daughter and his nephews and nieces. A Family friend. A known person in the Lao community here. I’m sad of the loss of a great person that touched many hearts. I shook this great mans hand 12 days ago. He invited me to come back to his home.
May your memories bring you comfort.
…an unforgotten week.
This is the closest we’ve ever been to heaven by walking.
RIP Uncle Youth Vannarath
Well, my mother came into town. She rented a car again. 2011 Ford Focus. Not to shabby. Has enough pick up. A lil too much tire spin as your accelerating hard out of a turn. Inside seems like any other newer car. It’s decent. I wouldn’t buy one. I’d drive it though. Some high school girl waved at me as I drove past her since we had the same color identical cars. LOL
