itzdarave

“The way life is. Live it, Learn it, Remember it. Look towards the future. There are no what ifs. Just do it and live with it or Change it.”

 What can i do? Nothing but keep on moving.. living life..  I forgot what the feeling of love was.. and how it feels when your heart drops… The burn.. what a feeling.. Live and learn.. Remember it.. The future is this moment…

Seriously, tired of rumors.. Tired of the drama..  Tired of everyones BS.. I dont want to be apart of their loop.. Im on my own flow… Jump on if you please.. If not peace! I’m down the river already.. The people that know me, that actually care, that actually want to talk to me about their problems or issues.. you know how to get ahold of me.. Im out of the loop.. Peace!

I’ve always wanted to treat some one right.  I’ve always wanted to be next to some ones side.. I’ve always wanted to be my self in front of her..  I’ve always just wanted to be me.  I’ve always wanted her to like for me not for me trying to fit in with the world..  I’ve just been my self and I’ve done what I could.. And I dont know what is going to happen.. All my theorys and thoughts about life have all came to play.. I finally realized what I preach is real.. After i realized that what I believe in what i feel strong for what I want What i want to do.. makes me stronger.. Since the begining of the year.. I started beliving in my self.. And I want to keep at it.. It was my inner thoughts of believing in my self for my new year resolution.. I just want to be happy.. I want to cure my broken soul.. I want to love some one.. I want to be loved… I want to give it my all and not turn back.. I believe in my self… but is there really some one out there that will believe in me and be there for me just as i would be for them?  IM sure no body understands me fully.. NO ONE…  Im a strange individual.. Im fairly smart.. I know how the world and people work… Im just tired of living over and over.. repeating what ive done in life… I want to take the next step…  Theres more to life than just partying, cars, girls, shopping, sex and drugs.. I want to see the world.. I want to see the world from others point of view.. IM TIRED of SOCIETY!  Sick of the drama.. Sick of the BULL SHIT!… SICK OF PEOPLE!  Life is seriously fucking simple.. yet we all make it so fucking complicated to make ends meet to look decent infront of everyone else… Its like life is a fucking competition… Thats all i remember growing up.. life being a competition.. whos child got the best grades in school. whoms child had the nicest clothes.. whos family had the biggest house… whoms family had the nicest cars.. FUCK all that.. seriously! a competition.. i care less about that shit.. i careless how i look or what i wear.. i give a shit!  people just need to understand where im coming from.. Life is simple.. Dont go with the flow.. because there isnt no damn flow.. do what you got to do.. fuck everyone else.. make your own damn flow… and bring whom ever wants to join you.. fucking hate the world.. yes i said it.. IM MAD AT THE WORLD!  Just because things dont go my way doesnt mean i go get mad at the world all the time.. I speak the truth.. Im tired of lying, tired of BS’in, tired of trying to be something im not.. I dont want to fit in.. ive stopped trying to fit in.. IM tired of EVERYONE else trying to fit in.. Im just being me.. hate me all you want.. talk all the shit you fucking want.. causeWORLD i give a fuck…. life isnt a competition.. life isnt a joke, life isnt just partying and working… theres more too it…  i hate this place.. i hate this place.. i hate it… Im a stable insane individual.  Dont push the wrong buttons in my face.. I bite…  It takes alot to get me on my bad side.. but you wouldnt want to see it..

   Dear world,

                  see you in hell… wait a minute.. is there seriously religion? or is it faith and hope? Do you believe in your self?  If you dont.. why believe in someone or something to help you believe in your self?  Any how..  its a crazy world out there.. talk to people you wouldnt normally talk to.. they are intresting..

New car to build… to keep me sane..

I havent talked to Nara all day.. *sighs*..  I miss her very much so.. Id love to hear her voice right about now.. I guess her phone died and she lost her charger again.. =/       I barely slept at all last night… and I got a huge headache now… I just hope shes alright.. *sighs*

Well, I dont know what to think.  Its hard to believe some one is serious if they seem to be confused and not sure.. Its hard to make a commitment if you dont believe in your self… Marriage in the other hand.. thats serious.. it takes two… a big commitment from both parties.. but if one still doubts their self after being engaged? how will that turn out? 

On another note in the sticky pad.. I just dont want my heart and soul ripped from my body… ‘Cause only god(s) (what ever you believe in) knows what i would do.  Ive had a troubled life.. Im in it or Im out… Im ready to live life to the next level or die.. Not saying im going to kill my self.. but saying Im ready.. Im not affraid.. but its not my choice to decide when I die..   But I can try to live life.. The way I want to… Disappearing so no one knows where your at? Changes everything… If your strong inside.. you can do it.. nothing can stop you.. The people that actually care will care and not try to help you and not help you one bit cause they care.. I know if i disappeared from my friends and family on my own.. out in the universe.. Id be alright.. Im smart and strong enough to take care of my self.. It would take a few years to get my mind on track in full.. but id make it..   Not saying i would disappear.. but it crosses my mind from time to time… Cause i know its the fastest way to cure a broken heart and soul…   This isnt doubt… its just what i know what i would do when in need of help.. I feel like its going to happen.. but a feeling doesnt mean much if it isnt as strong as something more than just a feeling… Its unexplainable something more than a feeling.. think about it.. 

Is it wrong to confuse the confused? Or is that a learning experience? Things are some time unexplainable.. I just always hope for the best… I try to think positive and vent when needed.. Yet no one really understands me.. Go figure… Life is really really simple.. Yet we all make it complicated… Just get rid of the complications.. and have some beliefs, hope, and trust..  the world would change…